Our Gideon Script for this week: Gideon Narrator: Gideon was the son of a Hebrew farmer named Joash. Gideon and all of the other Hebrew people were being enslaved by the evil Midianites. One day, something special happened to Gideon. Gideon: (Has a California surfer accent. Singing to the tune of Old McDonald)Young dude Gideon had a farm, e-i-e-i-o and on this farm... well, he really didn't have any animals because they were all stolen by Midianites… e-i-e-i-o! Hey, what's that dude doin' under our tree? Angel: Greetings, mighty warrior! Gideon: Are… are you talking to me, dude? Angel: I am the angel of the Lord, Gideon! God has chosen you to defeat the Midianites! Gideon: (A little stunned. Hesitates then slaps the angel on the shoulder.) H-haha, ok dude. What's the joke? Which one of my buds put you up to this? Dude, it was Jimmy wasn't it? Man, he's such a trickster! Angel: There is no trick. I am the angel sent by God to tell you that He is on your side and with His help you will defeat the Midianites. Gideon: Whoah! You are the real thing aren't you? Angel: Yes. It is as you say, but we don't have a lot of time. First, your father has an altar to the false god Ba’al in his town. You need to destroy the altar. Ba’al is a false god. Destroying that altar will make the people of that town super mad, but I am with you. Gideon: Um. Angel dude, let me see if I got this right. I'm supposed to trash the town’s favorite statue so they'll get really mad at me? Won’t they totally try to kill me? Angel: Yes. Gideon: (pause) Yeah, that sounds great. Angel: You will destroy it and then God will tell you what to do next. Now you'd better get started. Gideon: Dude, some days it just don't pay to get out of bed. Narrator: Gideon did what he was told. A couple days later, the people of the town were super mad. Even though Gideon destroyed the statue at night, they had no trouble figuring out that he was the one that destroyed it. They got came to try to kill Gideon, but Gideon’s dad Joash stood in their way. Townspeople: We want to kill Gideon for destroying Ba’al’s altar! Rar! Joash: You think you want to kill Gideon for hurting Ba’al’s idol? Don’t you think that if Ba’al is really a god, he can defend himself? Or do you think Ba’al is really a super weak god that can’t do anything? Townspeople: Oh, yeah… good point. Let Ba’al deal with him! Narrator: God protected Gideon. Later, the Midianites put a huge army together and came after Gideon and his people. But, because God was with him, Gideon had no trouble rounding up an army of his own! Random Soldier: (pop head up) Kill the Midianites! (nod and smile a lot) Narrator: Gideon had 32,000 men at his command. Gideon stood alone on top of the hill looking down at the enemy in the valley below. Gideon: H-Ha ha. Dude, we are going to whup those Midianites! There's more guys down there than I can count but who cares! I got 32,000 of my own righteous dudes. This is going to be a piece of… God: Gideon. Gideon: (Meekly looks around. )...cake. (looks up) Yes, God? God: Fear not. I am with you. I am the Lord your God. Gideon: Oh wow. Boy am I glad it's you! God, thanks for sending all these dudes to come and help me. We are going to waste those Midianites. Random Soldier: (pop head up) Kill the Midianites! (pop back down quickly) God: Funny you should mention that because that is why I am speaking to you now. Gideon: Sweet! We’re 32,000 men ready to fight! Random Soldier: (pop head up) Kill the Midianites! (pop back down quickly) God: You have too many soldiers. I want you to send some of them home. Gideon: (Laughing) Lord, you are SUCH a kidder. Huh huh huh huh... (pause) huh. Um, you're not joking either are you? God: No. So that the Lord your God will be given the praise for this victory and so that the Midianites will know that I am the one true God, you will defeat them with a much smaller army. Here is what you must do: ask the men to come down to the lake over there, only if they are not afraid to fight. Tell any who are scared to go home. Gideon: My dudes are brave! No way will anybody go home. Watch! (Yelling.) Dudes! Anybody who is way freaked-out can go home, the rest of you (Ha ha, like as if any of you are going to leave) head down to the lake. Random Soldier: (pop head up) Kill the… wait, I’m gone! (pop back down quickly) Gideon: Hey! Where are all you dudes goin'? Posers! Well, looks like there are still a bunch of my dudes at the lake! God: Now tell them all to get a drink and watch how they drink. You will send home anyone who sits on their knees and lifts the water with his hand. The men who lay on their bellies and lap water like a dog from their hand you will keep. Gideon: God? It looks like most of the them are like drinking from their knees! I think I'm going to be sick. (Yelling.) Ok, dudes. Anybody on their knees needs to go home. You guys that drank like dogs drink, you’re coming with me, ya bunch of weirdos! Oh, man. I'm sure glad God knows what he's doing! There’s only 300 dudes! God: There is your army Gideon, and with these 300 men I will give you the victory. You will defeat the Midianites and your people will once again be free! Gideon: Gnarly! Narrator: So Gideon and his 300 men went into battle in the middle of the night. Gideon: Wait for it… wait for it… (yawn) wait for it… Narrator: They stood at the top of the hill and blew horns and praised God loudly. They broke clay pitchers and waved flaming torches. Gideon: You Midianites are all going to, like, die! Narrator: The Midianites had been sleeping and when they heard the noise, they ran from their tents and God caused them to be so confused, they started killing each other! Gideon: Oh! Ouch! Look at that one! Five bucks on that guy! Woo-hoo! Narrator: The Midianites defeated themselves without Gideon and his men having to do anything but praise God. How cool is that, dude?	 Based on a script from sammson.com.